Surrounded by

Surrounded by

Water and beauty

Change

“People change and forget to tell each other.” —Lillian Hellman

Change is very uncomfortable for me.

By changing nothing, nothing changes.

I’m stuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sheild

sheild

I am someone who picks up on the emotions and / or feelings of others. It is very draining. I sometimes feel like sponge to the universe, absorbing the emotions and psychic pollution that is around me. Most of the time I don’t even know I am doing this unless it is too late. Then when I do it is still hare to understand that the feelings I feel are not always mine. I remember hearing once that “Grounded people are rarely swayed by another’s feelings, even if they do feel them.”  Makes perfect sense. I mean it really does but it is not easy to apply this to myself which makes no sense because I do not want to be burdened with this anymore. I want to change…but I find it so difficult. Why is this????

There are times when I just need to get away from the world and people and hide in my bedroom. I am happiest there. I can breath.

My passion

 

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”
~Barbara Kingsolver

 
I have been at the same job for the past 26 years. It feels like forever!! I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I did not go there the 36 hours plus overtime four days a week.
The job name changes all the time but right now I am called a life skills specialist and the Nursing assistant.
My job description is: to provide people with developmental disabilities and mental health issues support in the everyday skills they need to live on their own. We provide support and assist individuals with a wide range of daily living activities including such things as home maintenance, healthcare coordination, social activities with peers, going on recreational outings out in the community, healthcare and physical care, skill development, and much more. We facilitate connections to people, resources, and experiences necessary for individuals and their families to live a full and safe life. I have worked with as many as eight clients at a time but now I have two Down syndrome men in my care for the past five years.
They have a one bedroom apartment.
One goes to day program during the day and the other has early onset Alzheimer so he stays home.
I love my job but it is very stressful and at times I feel like I can’t take one more second of all the crap that I have to put up with from the other workers. Then I have to implement and agree with the insane rules and craziness coming from the treatment team of social workers that is comprised of Applied Behavior Science Specialists (ABSS), Medicaid Service Coordinators (MSC), Qualified Mental Retardation Professionals (QMRP), Registered Nurses (RN) and Residential Managers.
It is a constant battle within me to stay in a calm and neutral place in my head because when I don’t I get myself all worked up and in trouble.
This happens because in my reality this is not a job to me. It is more like my “other” family. Most of the other staff do not even understand this concept! They are trained and it is their job. They are there only for the money. I am there for the money too which the pay is not great but it is so much more to it for me. It is my natural born instinct to do what I do and it is my calling. I love what I do and I love my clients. At the end of the day I am not sure if love has much to do with anything in the eyes of the agency but I know it fills the hearts and soul of the people I take care of and that is all the reward I need other than my paycheck.
My hope is that I never forget how blessed I am to be able to do the work that I do and in spite of all the bad stuff I will continue to remember this!!!!

My favorite quote of all time

“Let us be kind, one to another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.”

Blog ????

(n.) Short for Web log, a blog is a Web page that serves as a publicly accessible personal journal for an individual. Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author.
I live in my own head too much. I over-analyze my own feelings/thoughts as well as the actions of others. It keeps me very busy. I try to express all that is going on but it is just too much. I usually keep it inside and often I feel as if there is no more room for one more thought. By the time I try to share them with others or write them down I am on to the next one and I can’t really remember what it was I was thinking about and if I do it is in bits and pieces and how can you share that once it gets to be so fragmented?

From me to you

Desires and words go hand in hand … they are moved by the same intention to join together, to communicate, to establish bridges between people, whether they are spoken or written.

LAURA ESQUIVEL